Over the past few weekends I have been to two different types of religious ceremonies – a Zoroastrian Gahambar and a Jewish Unveiling Ceremony – which left me pondering, “How important is it to raise my child with a specific religious affiliation?”
Let me back up a second. I was baptized, raised and confirmed Lutheran. My dad is a Polish Catholic and my mom is an Italian Baptist. My mom’s grandfather, my great-grandfather, came to America from Italy by way of Ellis Island and ended up settling in Philadelphia. The Baptist church on 13th and Tasker in the neighborhood where my great-grandfather lived was offering English lessons for a penny. My great-grandfather joined the church to learn English and eventually became a Baptist minister. Hence why my Italian mom is Baptist, not Catholic, which came as quite the surprise to my dad’s starkly Catholic parents. My sister and I were raised Lutheran as a comprise.
I liked my church growing up, St. Paul’s Lutheran Church in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. Pastor Linders, the senior pastor, is by far one of the most dynamic and intelligent orators I have ever encountered. Even from a young age I found his sermons thought-provoking, relatable, and gracefully interwoven between life and church (if you are so inclined, you can listen some of his sermons here). A number of my friends from school were in my Sunday school class so I liked the social aspect. I learned about the importance of community service especially during my required 40 hours in order to get confirmed. And there was something fascinating about hundreds of people meeting each week, singing and chanting in unison, standing together, kneeling together. Yet, for me, there was a missing piece. A lack of connection. It just didn’t click.
In my adult years I have felt most drawn to yoga as a spiritual practice. Although I could approach my yoga practice with more discipline and consistency, what makes sense for me is the connectivity between the physical, mental and spiritual. Like putting on the perfect pair of jeans, it just fits but you can’t really pin point why.
This brings me to my boyfriend. His mom is Zoroastrian and his dad was Hindu. He aligns himself more closely with his Zoroastrian heritage. From what I can tell, more so than a spiritual practice, I think it provides him a link to his ancestry and a cultural association. He is a part of a Zoroastrian community group – this is how I ended up at a Zoroastrian Gahambar – where his daughter takes religion classes. His daughter is also baptized Catholic because her mom is Catholic.
So a few weeks ago as I sat at my first Gahambar with my hair covered listening to four Zoroastrian priests adorned in white robes chanting in Avestan, I felt like I was missing something everyone else had. Little kids were wiggling in their chairs, trying so hard to pay attention, as grandparents reached down and touched their knees as to say, “I understand, but show respect for where you came from.”
Just one week later, we attended a Jewish unveiling ceremony for a friend’s father. Standing over the tombstone, hearing the Rabbi lead generations of family in Hebrew prayer, again, I felt left out. Like all of these people had a direct bond to a long winding history that came to a nexus point on a sacred patch of grass where their loved one lay to rest. It’s like they were in conversation with the past, present and future all at once.
Where does this leave me and my baby on the way? I have these grand visions of baby and me, toddler and me, teenager and me, going to yoga each week together, creating our own form of church. The very idea behind one of my favorite Emily Dickinson poems Some keep the Sabbath going to Church. My boyfriend would like to take baby to the same Zoroastrian religion classes as his daughter, which I totally support. But is there a need for me to introduce my baby to my family’s Christian heritage? To deny that part of who I am (or was), am I denying my family history? Do I baptize my baby to allow him/her to have the option to explore Christianity later in life? Is my lack of connection to Christianity a reason to focus on other spiritual options for my child?
Insights are welcome.
-emilie